Surviving the Absurd: My Accident Story with an EMT from Hell
Hey there, Earnest Mann here! Today, I'm sharing a personal story that will have you shaking your head and possibly laughing. Imagine you're in a car accident—flipped on your side, still dazed—only to be met by a screeching EMT asking, "Are you okay?" This isn’t just about my brush with fate; it’s about dealing with ridiculousness when you least expect it.
The Bizarre Accident and the EMT with No Tact
I recount a crazy incident from 2006 when a drunk driver T-boned my car, flipping it onto its side. As I lay there, bruised and confused, an EMT arrived with the most absurd, tone-deaf question. Instead of providing reassurance or assessing my injuries, she shrieked down to me, echoing the last thing anyone in my situation needed to hear.
What EMTs Should Say vs. What Actually Happened
I break down how a professional response could have helped, contrasting what I heard with what might have been appropriate. From this experience, I emphasize that a calm, reassuring voice and practical questions are vital in trauma care. Reflecting on this, I ask listeners if they would find humor in my situation—or share my disbelief at the incompetence.
Appreciating the Real Heroes in Emergency Care
In closing, I make it clear that my frustration was directed at one individual, not EMTs or paramedics as a whole. These professionals work tirelessly in challenging situations, saving lives every day, and I’m grateful for their commitment. It’s just that, sometimes, one person can make a strange situation even stranger.
I'm a deep thinking contrarian, a very pragmatic idiocythrope. I believe that function determines desirability and legitimacy. I don't like the superficial and/or pretentious, nor the shallow. I speak the truth as best as I know it, as a professor of tautology.
With friends, I desire quality over quantity. I know some very important life truths I'm just waiting for you to ask about. I have found in life, many people talk about happiness, but are unwilling to pay the price, or believe they shouldn't have to, because they are entitled to it, but I know with absolute certainty, that such beliefs are always due to stupidity, Insanity, or some degree of both.
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I believe we really can change the current status quo of an idiotic and fucked up purposeless treadmill existence, and actually improve this world, but it requires intelligence, honesty, and BALLS, all three of which are currently in short supply, especially the balls.
Thank you for taking the time, to read this, and remember to avoid anything or anyone stupid, as much as possible, your life will be far better for it.
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I look forward to hearing from you, and until next Monday or Friday remember, the world may be misinformed and batshit crazy, but YOU, don’t have to be!
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© 2024 The Earnest Mann Show
hello you are courageous curious and
intelligent not chicken [ __ ]
uninterested and stupid thank you for
being here we've all said stupid things
at the wrong time it's totally
understandable but when you're being
asked very stupid question by a
supposedly well-trained professional at
the worst time that's something entirely
different here's a true story involving
yours truly so listen up because if what
I'm about to tell you ever happens to
you hopefully you'll bear in mind that
your life is potentially in the hands of
a complete [ __ ]
idiot it's one thing I think we could
all use right now it's a good laugh
unfortunately I'm not a very good
comedian so with the exception of Doug
stanh hope and a few others there's
simply nowhere to get get your [ __ ]
comedy fix these days so you'll have to
rely on me an old third string comedy
quarterback whose best days are
definitely behind him and even those
days weren't that [ __ ] great I was
like a poor man's leis black and I mean
a really [ __ ] poor
man so here's my story I believe this
was around 2006 I was driving a midsize
to dance
and it was getting close to dark but it
wasn't actually night so visibility
wasn't the issue the other driver being
a [ __ ] drunk
was I was only about 2 or 3 minutes away
from my house I was on a two lane road
and I got into the left hand turning
lane to turn well left the light was
already green so I didn't have to stop
and just as soon as I started my left
hand turned to cross the road I was
T-boned by the drunk guy on the
passenger side with his full siiz pickup
going about 50
mph the impact caused my car to turn
over on the driver's side so the
passenger side was facing the
sky eventually EMTs showed up that's
when the crazy happened I heard a very
shrill woman's voice calling down to me
hello this is Jesse with emergency
medical are you
okay now my voice can't come anywhere
close to her obnoxious shriek but let me
break this down into a more detailed
picture when something like this happens
the last thing a person needs to hear is
a screeching Banshee asking you an
idiotic [ __ ] question which I'm about
to
explain you see as far as my condition
was concerned fortunately there was
nothing life-threatening I was very
disoriented I had a good bit of heavy
bruising some minor cuts and scratches
but other than that I was basically okay
no body parts broken no severe head
trauma I eventually summarized that
there was two main reasons for this I
was driving a very safe car a 740 Volvo
Volvos being known for their safety at
least back then and that I was hit on
the passenger side the passenger side
was totally caved in so of course the
car was total had I been hit on the
driver's side Volvo or not I'm pretty
certain I would have been a completely
different story but for now let me get
back to the EMT from
Hill the main thing I remember was being
startled remember I'm still woozy
because I was just hit by a full-size
pickup going 50 m a [ __ ] hour anyway
I was jolted yes I'm not kidding
actually jolted by the shrillness of
this banshee's voice now for those of
you who are not Irish or unfamiliar with
the term banshi let me very briefly
explain what it
means a bansi a banshi is a supernatural
being in Irish Boat were often depicted
as a screeching female Spirit who
appears as an omen or harbinger of death
not exactly a great feeling when you're
really out of it and you don't know how
extensive your injuries are let's just
say that she alone put the fear of death
into
me so now that I've explained that to
you allow me to go into a little bit
more detail so perhaps you'll understand
why I didn't and still don't have warm
fuzzy feelings for the idiot posing as a
professional EMT person that showed up
to assist me all those years
ago you've just been involved in a
serious accident and the person that is
supposed to potentially save your life
is asking you if you're
okay I was hit hard enough to put my
[ __ ] car on its side so I think
there's a pretty good chance of all the
things that could be said to me you
don't want to ask me in a high pitched
screeching voice if I'm
okay I may or may not be conscious have
broken bones or internal injuries but I
am definitely traumatized so I'm
probably not okay
and as an emergency medical technician
one should think they should [ __ ]
know
that so for example if she would have
said in a non Banshee voice are you
conscious sir do you think anything is
broken or are you in serious pain those
are short and concise intelligent and
reasonable questions to which I would
have responded Yes I'm conscious
no I don't think anything's broken and
I'm not in very serious pain to which
she should have responded with something
like okay they're going to get your car
back on all four wheels as quickly and
safely as possible then we'll get you
out of there and take you to the
hospital that's it that's all she had to
say but no of course she didn't do that
she just continued screeching out
idiotic
questions I'm very surprised she didn't
ask me my astrological sign or if I had
read the [ __ ] karma
sutra now most people I told this uh
absolutely true story to back then laugh
their ass off because it just occurred
to me that at the time I guess I just
must have went along with things and
laughed with them but now since many of
these people are no longer in my life I
realize that at the time there was
nothing remotely funny about it as far
as I'm concerned so all these years
later I'm trying to get an objective
answer so I'm asking you do you think
what I just told you was funny and if so
what the hell exactly makes it so
funny by all means don't hold back if
I'm that [ __ ] dense then I absolutely
want to know that way if the same thing
should ever happen again and I get
another idiotic
EMT I'll try to stay calm and remember
what you told me but what you're going
to tell me better be enlightening
because I I don't think I'm wrong that
woman was an
idiot so because I don't want to talk
your ear off I want to wrap this story
up now but before I go I feel that in
all fairness I would like to say
something about paramedics and EMTs in
general in all seriousness the vast
majority of paramedics and EMTs are very
good people it is an extremely demanding
occupation
both physically and mentally and
generally speaking they absolutely go
above and beyond to help the seriously
injured a literal stabilizing lifeline
on the way to the
hospital I just wanted to make very
clear to everyone out there that in my
opinion they are Stellar human beings
that often don't get the appreciation
they deserve so I just wanted to to say
a deep thank you to all the paramedics
and EMTs out there you are sincerely
10:05
appreciated as far as accidents don't
let that be the reason you're here watch
new episodes every Monday and Friday at
6 a.m. on YouTube or listen to my
episodes on my website for more
interesting stuff just like this think
of listening to my episodes as accident
10:28
insurance for your
life until next time this is earnest and
10:34
I usually am
10:36
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